Wednesday, April 23, 2008
been feeling fucking stressed these few days. i mean yeah i behave like i normally do. i laugh, i joke with my friends. but inside, it's different. i felt really lost and useless until i read Louise's blog today. and to be honest, my feelings are mutual.
i'm really losing it. i act all relaxed and all but inside i'm panicking. as in, yeah i understand what the fck the teachers say but if we were to do case studies and all, i have a strong feeling i might fail. and i cant disappoint my parents again. especially since they've paid so much money just for me to do journalism, to let me fulfill my dream and passion.
couldnt sleep last night so i tried to revise what the fuck face guy had gone through on sunday but to my utter dismay, i feel damn lost. then plus all my project work gone missing, couldnt take it and i broke down. threw my books aside and just tried to sleep.
another issue was about WJ. omg, i love WJ. but i cant. i shouldnt. WJ's my drug, my weakness, my lust, my love. i just cant stay away from him. what am i suppose to say? we've known each other for so long but to take another step forward? i know he tries to be patient, to understand. but can he see the pressure i get from it?
i cant share anything about it with my friends. i cant share the issue with WJ either. it sucks. i dont want to lose him. we might have temporarily won the battle but we're definitely gonna lose the war at the rate it's going. WJ bday coming up.. do i actually dare to break his heart again?
family. friends. -sighs- i can see that i'm losing them. my parents, as much as they try to be supportive, they cant see into 'my world'. besides we've never been close, i cant share my problems with them. and to be honest, i wouldnt. my friends.. all disappearing one by one. they dont have to say it, i can see it. it's happening already. from the march holidays up till today. if you think you're fucking superior then i'm sorry to have wasted my years of honest friendship with the likes of you.
weight. always a major issue. i love to eat. and sadly it's not healthy. i hate veggies, they seriously make me feel like puking. except potatoes. i love cheese, hate mayo, chili or anything spicy. it hurts my tummy real bad and then i pay homage to the porcelain god/goddess, the toilet.
i hate gym, i try my best to go but the timing is so inconvenient. i want to them to know that they didnt waste their money. i want to lose weight. but the more i exercise, the more i eat. where the fuck did i go wrong? i tried eating much less at home, eating one less meal. then i end up snacking to bribe my tummy to stop hurting me. -sigh-
i'm really losing it. i act all relaxed and all but inside i'm panicking. as in, yeah i understand what the fck the teachers say but if we were to do case studies and all, i have a strong feeling i might fail. and i cant disappoint my parents again. especially since they've paid so much money just for me to do journalism, to let me fulfill my dream and passion.
couldnt sleep last night so i tried to revise what the fuck face guy had gone through on sunday but to my utter dismay, i feel damn lost. then plus all my project work gone missing, couldnt take it and i broke down. threw my books aside and just tried to sleep.
another issue was about WJ. omg, i love WJ. but i cant. i shouldnt. WJ's my drug, my weakness, my lust, my love. i just cant stay away from him. what am i suppose to say? we've known each other for so long but to take another step forward? i know he tries to be patient, to understand. but can he see the pressure i get from it?
i cant share anything about it with my friends. i cant share the issue with WJ either. it sucks. i dont want to lose him. we might have temporarily won the battle but we're definitely gonna lose the war at the rate it's going. WJ bday coming up.. do i actually dare to break his heart again?
family. friends. -sighs- i can see that i'm losing them. my parents, as much as they try to be supportive, they cant see into 'my world'. besides we've never been close, i cant share my problems with them. and to be honest, i wouldnt. my friends.. all disappearing one by one. they dont have to say it, i can see it. it's happening already. from the march holidays up till today. if you think you're fucking superior then i'm sorry to have wasted my years of honest friendship with the likes of you.
weight. always a major issue. i love to eat. and sadly it's not healthy. i hate veggies, they seriously make me feel like puking. except potatoes. i love cheese, hate mayo, chili or anything spicy. it hurts my tummy real bad and then i pay homage to the porcelain god/goddess, the toilet.
i hate gym, i try my best to go but the timing is so inconvenient. i want to them to know that they didnt waste their money. i want to lose weight. but the more i exercise, the more i eat. where the fuck did i go wrong? i tried eating much less at home, eating one less meal. then i end up snacking to bribe my tummy to stop hurting me. -sigh-
what we could have been, 5:46 pm.
